So, 'bout once a week, maybe once every ten days...sometimes once every two weeks...I mow our lawn. It's cool. Gives me exercise, and as my wife tells me, it's good for you.
I don't disagree. And, in fact, I kinda enjoy the time pushing the mower 'round the yard.
Truth be known, I've always liked the smell of freshly cut grass. Sometimes, have you noticed, it smells like watermelon. A food group in our house.
Howso-ever freakin' ever more. I don't like the stress that mowing causes me. Every time I crank up the cutting machine, I get ticked off. All along the edge of the yard are cigarette butts. Oftentimes, hundreds of them.
We live at an intsersection. One of the busiest neighborhood intersections in the area, it seems. Judging by the number of wrecks here, and the number of speeders that Jacksonville (NC) police nail up and down the block, that description is pretty accurate.
But, the butts. What gives anyone the right to stop for the traffic light, roll down a window, and throw out a paper-wrapped tobacco product? Those filters hang around for quite a while, too.
Of course, that's not all they toss. Candy wrappers, McDonald wrappers, soft drink cans, beer cans.
And, on more than one occasion, I've found full cans of beer along the street. My guess is that some kids, on their way home, had not finished off their 6-pack, and needed to get rid of the remaining evidence.
Oh, and the guys that got pulled over, in front of our house, because they were speeding? You forgot your crack pipe. A nice one, too. Too bad the patrol officer wasn't paying attention to the passenger while approaching your car. Good thing the passenger was armed with nothing more than a crack pipe. If you want your pipe back, by the way, there's a nice young female officer that picked it up a couple days later. I'm sure she'll be happy to hand it over. Call 910-455-4000 and tell them your story. I'll be a witness for you.
Back to the corner.
It's not just the obvious litter that ticks me off. Every yard sale entrepeneur within two miles tacks up yard sale signs on the utility pole in our front yard. Some even stick signs in the ground. Now, please. Don't take this the wrong way. I like yard sales. I've been to more than one, got some pretty good deals. We've even had a couple of them. And, those signs are useful. For buyers and sellers.
But! When your freakin' yard sale is OVER, come get your ^%@(* ing signs! I get tired of pulling them down, or picking up the tattered remains scattered all over the yard after they become damp from overnight dew.
As I've said many times, I don't like to present a problem without presenting a solution.
So, in the case of inconsiderate litterbugs, I suggest that we, as homeowners, lie in wait in our yards. Armed to the teeth with a fully automatic paintball gun, and several thousand rounds of paintball ammo. Every time a window comes down, and litter is ejected from the offender motorists, then we should feel free to open fire. Since the window is down, try for shots that will decorate the interior of the car.
Ok, so some lawyer or DA will tell me that this is illegal. And, having glanced, more than once, at NC General Statues (chapeter 14, to be specific), they're probably right. But, if the DA wants the police to enforce a law that keeps me from handling the problem, then police should be instructed to nail offending litterbugs. Even though we know quotas don't exist for cops (wink-wink), maybe a watch commander could make an exception, and require every patrol officer to write something like 10 tickets per month for littering.
Ok, that's one down. Now, for those signs.
Two ways to handle that. First, we could go to the trouble of taking down the signs, and dumping them on the offenders property. Every Sunday morning. Before the church crowd gets moving. Perhaps with a sign of our own on a stake in the middle of the debris: Didn't Your Mama Teach You To Clean Up Your Mess?
Second option. Persuade City Council (wherever you live) to adopt an ordinance that requires ALL yard sale signs to be removed no later than one hour after the yard sale has ended. All signs would be required to have a start and stop time on them. Any lawman who finds signs "after hours" would immetiately issue a citation for violation of Ordinace Number____. Hey, it's even a good way for cities to generate some extra revenue. A $50 fine PER SIGN should do the trick.
I don't disagree. And, in fact, I kinda enjoy the time pushing the mower 'round the yard.
Truth be known, I've always liked the smell of freshly cut grass. Sometimes, have you noticed, it smells like watermelon. A food group in our house.
Howso-ever freakin' ever more. I don't like the stress that mowing causes me. Every time I crank up the cutting machine, I get ticked off. All along the edge of the yard are cigarette butts. Oftentimes, hundreds of them.
But, the butts. What gives anyone the right to stop for the traffic light, roll down a window, and throw out a paper-wrapped tobacco product? Those filters hang around for quite a while, too.
Oh, and the guys that got pulled over, in front of our house, because they were speeding? You forgot your crack pipe. A nice one, too. Too bad the patrol officer wasn't paying attention to the passenger while approaching your car. Good thing the passenger was armed with nothing more than a crack pipe. If you want your pipe back, by the way, there's a nice young female officer that picked it up a couple days later. I'm sure she'll be happy to hand it over. Call 910-455-4000 and tell them your story. I'll be a witness for you.
Back to the corner.
It's not just the obvious litter that ticks me off. Every yard sale entrepeneur within two miles tacks up yard sale signs on the utility pole in our front yard. Some even stick signs in the ground. Now, please. Don't take this the wrong way. I like yard sales. I've been to more than one, got some pretty good deals. We've even had a couple of them. And, those signs are useful. For buyers and sellers.
But! When your freakin' yard sale is OVER, come get your ^%@(* ing signs! I get tired of pulling them down, or picking up the tattered remains scattered all over the yard after they become damp from overnight dew.
So, in the case of inconsiderate litterbugs, I suggest that we, as homeowners, lie in wait in our yards. Armed to the teeth with a fully automatic paintball gun, and several thousand rounds of paintball ammo. Every time a window comes down, and litter is ejected from the offender motorists, then we should feel free to open fire. Since the window is down, try for shots that will decorate the interior of the car.
Ok, so some lawyer or DA will tell me that this is illegal. And, having glanced, more than once, at NC General Statues (chapeter 14, to be specific), they're probably right. But, if the DA wants the police to enforce a law that keeps me from handling the problem, then police should be instructed to nail offending litterbugs. Even though we know quotas don't exist for cops (wink-wink), maybe a watch commander could make an exception, and require every patrol officer to write something like 10 tickets per month for littering.
Ok, that's one down. Now, for those signs.
Two ways to handle that. First, we could go to the trouble of taking down the signs, and dumping them on the offenders property. Every Sunday morning. Before the church crowd gets moving. Perhaps with a sign of our own on a stake in the middle of the debris: Didn't Your Mama Teach You To Clean Up Your Mess?
Second option. Persuade City Council (wherever you live) to adopt an ordinance that requires ALL yard sale signs to be removed no later than one hour after the yard sale has ended. All signs would be required to have a start and stop time on them. Any lawman who finds signs "after hours" would immetiately issue a citation for violation of Ordinace Number____. Hey, it's even a good way for cities to generate some extra revenue. A $50 fine PER SIGN should do the trick.
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