Tis that time of year.
Again.
First, there was Thanksgiving.
Now, Christmas is upon us.
Interesting thing about family and friends gathering on those holidays, especially. Food, of course, is at the forefront. And, that's as it should be. Friends and family, together, breaking bread. Better than exchanging gifts, what with all the commercialized nonsense that goes along with that chore.
But, one thing I've noted over the decades. One has to be able to either read minds, or actually translate the response one gets when extending invitations for the festivities.
All of us would love to have everyone we love to be with us on holidays. Not a reality, of course, for one reason or another. One GOOD reason is that the invitees have, oftentimes, two or more places they'd like to visit each holiday. Divorced parents, his/hers parents. Whatever. I remember some basic physics laws from school, one of which goes "you can't be in two places at the same time" (or words to that effect).
It's nice not to want to hurt anyone's feelings. But it's kinder to be upfront from the git-go, and come out with-- "hey, this year, we're going to Sally's parents' for Christmas". Instead, when the invite is offered, say around mid October, the lies begin.
I've learned to interpret responses to invitations, not just for Thanksgiving and Christmas, but for other events, as well.
The stage is set early.
"We haven't quite decided what we'll have to do this year. You know, we were at your house last Christmas, and Sally's mom really wants us to come there this year. However (the shimmer of hope word), you never know, and we really haven't decided, as yet. We could just as easily be with you".
Bravo Sierra, is about all I can say.
The translation, as I've come to learn, is thus: "We don't want to hurt your feelings, but we feel obligated to see Sally's parents. It's only fair, and I'm sure you can appreciate that. But, if we just keep you hanging on to a thread of hope, the hurt we cause at the last minute won't last as long, and we won't feel as guilty".
The decision was made, probably before October. I still cannot get why it's so hard to just spit it out. The hosts just want to know how much stuff to buy, how many places to set, whether they need to stock up on extra booze...whatever. Or, maybe...just maybe...they'd like a definite "no" so THEY can make other plans, and won't feel obligated to hang around until the last couple days to learn that you're not coming.
It's a bit late for this year, unless you're still keeping them hanging on to a glimmer of hope that you'll show up for Christmas lunch/dinner. If that's the case, be kind. Call them, tell them your plans. It's a kind thing to do. And, don't forget about that when you're making plans for next year.
And, now. For the other side.
Parents/grandparents/aunts/uncles, what-evah: don't make the people you'd like to share the holiday with you feel guilty if they tell you they have other plans. Don't pry into those plans, it's none of your business. Don't be persistent, offering to hold lunch until 2:00 so they can join you. Don't play your son or daughter against their spouse. "Oh, you'd rather go to Sally's parents for lunch than be with me. You can see them anytime. I'm getting old, you know, and this might be my last Chrismas. I'm not sure that I even want to celebrate this year. If you're not coming, there's no real need for me to get a tree. It'll be the first Christmas, ever, that I haven't put one up".
Pardon me while I get sick.
And, no, these are not stories from my personal experiences. They are, however, situations that friends, co-workers, and some of my former staff members have shared over the decades.
If you see yourself in either scenario, you might want to give it some thought.
Wherever you are at Christmas, I hope yours will be filled with the true Christmas spirit, that happiness will be with you.
Merry Christmas.
(No, this is not the last blog I will write before that day. I just wanted to tag out with it, ok?)
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