Thursday, March 10, 2011

Just a wee bit of fun with Terror Alert Levels

Our good friends and allies, the Brits, have a great sense of humor.
Some of them, anyway.
From the BBC, with tongue in cheek, comes this announcement from John Cleese. And, according to the source, there may be a few modifications from the original report.
We really need to learn how to laugh at ourselves.

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and  have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved."  Soon,  though, security levels may be raised yet again to either "Irritated" or even "A Bit  Cross."

The English have not been "A BitCross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea  supplies nearly ran out.

Terrorists themselves have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to  "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the England issued a "Bloody Nuisance"  warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots (a separate race and culture) have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the  Bastards." They don't have any other levels.  This is the reason they have been  used on the front line of the UK's armed forces for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert  level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are  "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that  destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's  military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to  "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat  Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to  "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels:  "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they  are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These  beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a  really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to  "She'll be alright, Mate." Three more escalation levels remain:  "Crikey!", "I  think we'll need to cancel the barbey this weekend," and "The barbey is  cancelled."


I wonder why the U.S. terror levels weren't examined. Let's see.
Pink. For Pelosi and her constituents. All is well in la-la land.
Bright orange. They took her plane away.
Beige. Obama's idea of  running a country.
Red. The color of oh, so many states in November 2012.

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